Aye papi!!

So I’m out salsa dancing one night. I end up dancing the night away with a guy who was unanimously declared to be the “hottest guy in the club” and a helluva little dancer. So I didn’t hesitate the next weekend when he asked me out dancing. If nothing else I’ll get some good cardio. Win win really. Very gentleman-like he gives me a call before the date.

Boy: “I have a surprise for you!” he says excitedly.

Girl: “Really? Wow that’s so nice. I can’t wait.”

Boy: “you’re REALLY going to love it. It’s a surprise.”

So in my head I’m thinking flowers, candy, something small. I mean we just met. Nice gesture. Unexpected. I smile.

Fast forward to that night in line for coat check.

Boy: “do you want your surprise?” he’s smiling like the Cheshire cat.

Girl: “of course.” By now I’m pretty damn curious, and have consulted all my friends as to what it could be.

He reaches in his coat and pulls out a manila envelope. Hmmmm... that’s odd. Definitely not flowers.

Boy: “you’re going to REALLY love it!”

So I reach in and slowly pull out a photo. Puzzling. Then... I see my surprise.. Specifically, it’s an 8/10 glossy photo of my first date in a teeny tiny red speedo all greased-up and shiny flexing in a body building pose. I blush. My mind is literally blank. Shock and awe has new meaning. Shove it back into the envelope. We have an audience.

Boy: `do you like your surprise!?” he says excitedly and expectantly.

Shit. I’ve got to say something here. Wtf do you say when your first date gives you a glamour shot? This is weird right? Girl: ``ummm.. yes it`s great. Great photo.”

No doubt the man was seriously buff. Like yikes. He had a right to be proud. Just tooooo much. Tooooo soon.

That WAS a surprise.

Treat me like a lady. I'll treat you like a man.

Please refer to “Muppet not a man” post for context. Just makes this date all the more ridiculous.

Scene: Same theatre. Same pay machine. First date. Two tickets have been selected and the $20 total is on the screen. No one makes a move. Blank staring at the total. Not looking at each other. No moves for wallet or purse. Silence. Then awkward silence. Serious déjà vu here.

Girl: “so.... are we going to pay?”

Boy: “well ummm... (clearing of throat) uhhhh... sometimes I guess, sometimes I treat, but uhh well... (more clearing of throat and obvious forced awkward slow motion move to remove wallet).

Girl: “ we’ll split it,” said flatly while hitting the cancel button. No male protesting. Thought. Seems to me that the FIRST DATE would be the time to treat? Startegic even no? Why punch in two tickets? Obviously one total implies one payer.

Benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’s broke, and that was his absolute last $10. He’d scrapped together all the change in the sofa cushions because he really wanted to see me. That theory goes out the window as I watch him spend $30 on various junk foods for himself. “I’m soooo hungry. You’re not hungry are you?” Really?

And mid-movie...

Boy: “Any frozen yogurt left?”

Girl: “Nope, you ate it.” Yeah, I ate it. It only seemed fair really.

And post-movie...

Boy: “so it’s early, I can go to your place.”

Girl: “no thanks.”

Boy: “you like sleeping alone, don’t you.”

Girl: “I do.” Can you believe this guy?

PS. just read this article when I got home from the date. Alone. This passage seemed topical: “..perhaps there are qualities of the old-fashioned manly man to be salvaged. Chivalry, courage, strength, generosity, protectiveness and decisiveness”.

Maybe next year I'll just watch a scary movie...

Ahhhh Halloween weekend... when alcohol, a looming full moon and girls dressed as sexy somethings combine for the perfect storm for drama and, well, embarrassment. Not exactly my normal kinda blog, but there were some moments that just had to be recorded for prosperity.

Notable pick-up lines were flying like bats in a dark cave. None actually were successful, but I appreciate the balls it takes to deliver these lines and the laugh I have about them later.

Boy approaches. “Do I look like a drug dealer?” Me: “uhhh.. no I guess not” (what the hell does a drug dealer look like? Honestly). “Cuz some guy just asked blah blah..”. I’m already walking away at this point. Not sure what his end game was there. Next.

“Hi, you’re Christine right?” as he reaches forward and shakes my hand. Me: “no, sorry wrong girl.” Him: “I’m sorry you look just like a girl I know. What is your name?” Nicely played.

And apparently my search is over.. “Where have you been? Why haven’t I met you yet?” a classic re-visited with such sincerity. Puppy dog eyes and all.

And finally, though my costume was not the most original, I thought hey, who doesn’t like a nurse in a tube dress and red stilettos? So I ask a boy I like if he liked my costume: “was cute” unenthusiastic shoulder shrug. Not really the reaction a girl hopes for, but a nice adjective.