I got this

Remember that episode of Sex and the City when Samantha got really sick and her curtains fell down in her fab loft? None of her dozens of men would come to help her. So obviously she decides she will likely die alone. Yea, I get that. So I sprain my ankle. How? I fell off my heels. Seriously it happens. Don’t laugh. No, I was not drunk. I wish. It would make for a better story. I was shopping. It is a sport. Thank you no one for believing me. Sooooo as result of my fashion injury I’m trapped in my own home. Crawling around for food and water. This is one of the few times being fabulously independent and single really bites to be honest. In life imitating art, none of my men can be bothered to come to my aid. So much for the theory that men want to rescue us. So, I do what any girl would do. Have food delivered, read Fifty Shades of Grey and shop online. Problem solved. And thanks to my reading, the next boy who comes over will most definitely come again.

Are your fingers broken?

Major male pet peeve. Why can’t men return women’s messages in a timely fashion? The waiting is pure torture for us. It occupies our every waking thought. Distracts us at work. Interrupts our sleep. Sucks the joy out of shopping. Then we are forced to inflict our pain/worry/insane delusions on all of our friends. Dissecting the last convo over and over again searching for some clue of where it all went wrong. What did he mean by “hi”? Why not “hey”? That’s more normal right? When he said “talk later”, how much later? That day? A week? Was he with another girl? Bastard. EXHAUSTING. The only acceptable reasons for not answering include: he is dead in a ditch; in a coma; or broke all of his fingers. Even then he can dial with his nose. Seriously.

This is what you MUST do guys. Take the 5 seconds it takes to answer us. Really. Minimal effort here is required. Sometimes any throwaway phrase will do such as: “Miss you. Call you later”. Then we are pacified. Happy. We smile, cock our head to the side and think, he likes me. You are golden.